I Blame it On Sue
by WispsofWinter29
Summary: Two people get dropped into Middle Earth. One is there to wreck even more havoc on Middle Earth, especially the Fellowship, and the other is there to try to stop her from destroying canon. The only problem? The girl who's wrecking havoc is a Mary-Sue. And Mary-Sues are VERY hard to defeat.
1. 1 Liek, Who R U?

Annabon Loteire was completely perfect.

No one would dare say otherwise, or else they'd be mysteriously killed.

Of course, her name wasn't just Annabon Loteire, it was Annabon Emerald Joanne Scarlett Nyoka Raven Celestia Siryna Loteire, of course.

She had white blonde hair that cascaded down her hair like a shiny waterfall, and was softer than a kitten's fur. Her eyes changed color constantly, from a piercing gold to a shimmery violet, and at some times as blue as the sky. They were larger than life, and males were often known to run into oncoming traffic every time they caught a glimpse of them. Her skin had no blemishes, despite the fact that she's still probably going through puberty, and was paler than Snow White's.

Her figure was gracefully lithe and willowy, but she was still incredibly strong, and radiated a magical glow.

She had the best fighting skills of everyone on Earth, and was a master at fighting with her scythe. She was also fluent in French, Spanish, Italian, and Elvish, of course! Despite her crippling perfection, she had a horrible life. Her parents were killed in a car crash, and she lived with her uncle's son's teacher's pool boy's former roommate, who was an alcoholic and beat her constantly. So, of course, she was perfectly suited to fall into Middle Earth,join the nine walkers, and end up with Legolas. That was the fate of all Sues who come from our world. But this time was different. Someone, someone sane, was going to stop her from wreaking havoc on all of Middle Earth.

* * *

Annabon sighed as she went to sleep that night, eyes a deep dark blue to show her immense sadness. She had homework, and it was so hard! She climbed into her silken sheets, and fell into sweet dreams of Legolas's and her wedding.

When she woke up, however, she was in the middle of a forest.

"Liek, where am I?" She gasped, and looked down, seeing herself in a neon pink medieval dress, that could blind any animal passing by. Her super smart brain worked overtime. "OMG!1! I'm in MIddle Earth!", she finally figured out, eyes glowing silver with excitement. In all of her "thinking", she hadn't noticed the groaning young woman about 20 yards from her. She was wearing blue flannel pajamas, and bunny slippers, with her brown hair in a messy bun. And, like, OMG, she had no makeup on! She was soo not perfect.

The woman looked up from where she was sitting on the ground, sore and confused. When she heard Annabon's shrill voice, which Annabon would have said was melodic and beautiful, she paled. Oh shit. A Mary Sue. Okay, a Mary Sue in Middle Earth. That was worrying. But, where did she come from? Was she an elf sue? The girl decided to find out. Clearing her throat, she said in her most confident voice, "Auta miqula orqu(_Go kiss an orc_)." The woman was a huge fan of Lord of the Rings, and had taken her obsession so far that she had started learning basic Elvish phrases (mostly insults).

Annabon stared at her, with a blank expression

on her face. Okay, maybe her elvish wasn't that good.

"Great, so you can't speak Elvish,", the woman sighed with relief, looking down at her feet and not noticing Annabon prancing over to her.

"Hai! I'm Annabon! Liek, who r u?", Annabon asked. The girl looked up at her and let out a shriek at the terrifying girl in front of her, trying not to focus on her grotesquely large bosom, which seemed to be falling out of her dress.

"Um," the girl stammered, "My name is…" she fumbled trying to figure out whether to give out her actual name or not. "My name is Lily." Okay then, she thought, real name. Great. It's not like she could use this against me. You wake up in the middle of the woods, with a crazy eyed chick staring at you like you're an animal, and you give her your name. How smart of you, Lily.

"Lily? That's liek, soo plain!" Lemme give you a better one! How about...Crabatithenniel!"

Lily gave her a death glare, and growled, "If you call me that I swear I will snap your neck and use your corpse as a dartboard."

Annabon shut up quite quickly.

Lily smirked and got up, and started an attempt at walking. This proved to be immensely difficult, as her only shoes were her bunny slippers. As soon as she started walking, however, Annabon jumped up and ran to her side. Lily groaned.

As Lily and Annabon walked (or "floated", in Annabon's case), Lily heard singing. It was beautiful, but sad, and sounded like a siren's melody. She gave a little smile, because she was sure they were elves. Annabon sniffed.

"I sing better than that." Lily stared at her. Was this sue serious? Judging by what she had heard of her voice, she could not compare. Sighing, Lily started walking into the direction of the voices, stopping every so often to rub her aching feet. She vowed that she would always wear good shoes to bed, just in case she ever landed in this situation again. Her daydreaming was soon interrupted by Annabon attempting to talk to a squirrel.

Just a couple more miles, she thought, then I'll be rid of this nuisance. She wondered what the elves would do with Annabon once they came, and found that thinking up various methods of her death helped keep her mind off of Annabon's attempt at calling birds. About half an hour later, they were at the edge of Rivendell. Lily couldn't contain her grin, and ran full speed ahead, barreling through everything to get there, and leaving Annabon to run after her, screaming about her shoes all the way.


	2. Welcome to Imladris

Lily was secretly hoping that Annabon wouldn't be smart enough to follow her to Rivendell, but that was not the case. Despite all of Annabon's grumbling, she ended up running past Lily very quickly. Lily attempted to catch up, but almost fell down and decided it wasn't worth it. Besides, if Annabon scared the guards enough, they could shoot her and Lily could go home.

Sadly, that did not happen. Lily walked through the last of the trees and saw Annabon staring down at the city of Rivendell, snuggled in the trees. Lily's throat tightened. She was really here! She was in Middle Earth! Annabon squealed, grabbing Lily's arm and dragging her into the city.

They hadn't gotten very far when Lily heard a voice call out.

"_Daro!"_

She turned a small bit, and found that there was an arrow about three inches from her face. She looked up to see a handsome elf staring down at her. Annabon jumped straight up and attempted to flirt with the elf, who looked very flustered.

"He told us to stop, you dumbass!" Lily hissed, wincing as she grabbed Annabon's arm. Ew, she touched it twice. Now she'd have to burn her arms off. Luckily, Annabon had the smallest sense to shut her mouth for a couple seconds. That didn't last, of course, as Annabon's "extreme intellect", as she would call it, was causing her to ask questions.

"So liek, do u kno Legolas? He's teh best elf ever!" She asked, overlarge owl eyes turning pale green with excitement. Lily groaned inwardly, putting her head in her hands. She had thought about coming to Rivendell, a lot, but this wasn't exactly how she pictured her arrival.

The elf turned to one of the guards, and whispered something in his ear, nudging subtly to Annabon. The guard nodded and walked into the city.

"Apologies for my companion here, my lord," Lily curtsied, still gripping Annabon's arm tightly. "We have come to your city hoping that you shall offer us your hospitality." Lily smiled, attempting to look charming, which was difficult, seeing as she looked like an animal in flannel.

" And hospitality you will get." He said, but Lily saw him flash a wary look at Annabon. The guard from before walked back up to the elf-captain, and he murmured something to him. The elf nodded.

"Elrond wishes to speak with you, if you will come with me." He spun to the city, long black hair whipping around and hitting Annabon in the face. The elf walked next to Lily as we walked to the city.

"Have I given you my name?", he asked her. She looked up at him, face reddening. Great, she thought, I'm blushing. Why am I blushing? God, you're so weird Lily.

"Oh, uh, no, you haven't." She smiled, feeling awkward.

"I'm so sorry, m'lady! My name is Hiradan. What is yours?"

"I'm Lily," She said simply, "And that's Annabon." She pointed towards Annabon, who was trying to kiss an elf, not realizing it was a very scared female. Hiradan smiled widely.

"What is it?" Lily asked.

"Oh, nothing, it's just that '_Annabon'_ means elephant in Elvish." He smirked, trying to suppress a giggle.

Lily burst out laughing, before covering her mouth. "She kept trying to tell me that it meant 'Beautiful Golden Maiden'. I think elephant suits her better, to be honest."

Hiradan snorted in a very un-elflike way.

As they walked into Rivendell, Lily couldn't help but gawk. It was more beautiful than the movies even showed! As she walked, she vaguely heard Annabon jabbering on about her ability to play 17 different instruments at once, and most of the elves around her looked as though they wanted to put an arrow through her face.

As they approached one of the buildings, Annabon had started talking about all of The Matrix references she would make once she met Elrond. This gave her a lot of strange looks from passing elves, who had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, of course.

"Welcome to Imladris", Hirdan said with a smile, looking at Lily's astonished face. Oh my gosh, she thought to herself, I'm actually here! She couldn't believe it. Sadly, her excitement was cut loose by Annabon letting out a huge squeal and running full speed toward one of the buildings. Lily groaned, and ran after her, Hiridan at her heels.

The two of them attempted to chase after Annabon, but they weren't any match to her super sue speed, so they followed the trail of knocked over servants. They followed the trail to two knocked over guards, lying in front of a room and moaning about neon pink. Lily peeked into the room, and her eyes widened at what she saw. Annabon was attempting to serenade LORD ELROND with an Ariana Grande song, and he looked incredibly horrified. Hiridan ran into the room and knocked Lily upside the head, knocking her out, and Lily stared at him, numb with horror. What would Elrond do to her now that her companion had freaked him out so much? As Elrond dusted himself off from the Sue's touch, he motioned to Hiridan.

"You know where to take her. And when you're done with that, have one of your men send for the Mirkwood Sue-Slayers.", he said before turning to Lily with a pointed look. "You will speak to me."

Lily gulped.

As Hiridan dragged an unconcious (but still stunningly beautiful) Annabon out of the room, Elrond walked over to where Lily was standing. She looked down, not wanting him to see the terror on her face. Was a hot elf going to knock her upside the head and drag her to a dungeon too?

"I'm not going to lock you up." Elrond said finally, and Lily let out a silent sigh of relief. Yay, no fun elf dungeon vacations! "However," he went on, "What in the name of the Valar were you doing traveling with that vile Sue as your companion?"

"Well, Lord Elrond sir, I was taking her to Rivendell so you could dispose of her properly- wait, you know what a Sue is?"

Elrond nodded gravely. "They have threatened our lands for many years under the disguise of exceptionally beautiful women. This is how I knew that you were not one of them."

Lily scowled.

The Lord of Rivendell continued on, deciding to ignore Lily's glare.

"There have been less since the ring was destroyed, I have noticed, but we have specially trained 'Sue-Slayers' just in case of circumstances like these. We have none here, but Mirkwood has the best Slayers of all the elven realms, and they shall arrive in about two weeks. Until then, you may stay here and the Sue will be kept in the rooms of Dright Yerple."

"Dright Yerple, sir?" Lily asked.

"It is the mixture of Dark Purple and Bright Yellow. It is extremely hard to gaze upon, but the Sues seem to like it. It has a calming effect on them."  
"Ah."

A servant came in to show Lily to the room that had been arranged for her, and Lily enjoyed looking around at the view of Imladris. She was in awe of the nature, the architecture, the hotness of everyone around her, everything! She was so caught up with everything that she walked straight past her room, and the servant had to grab her arm.

Lily smiled at the servant. "Thank you for showing me to my room." The servant blushed, fiddling with a peice of her hair.

"I'm just doing my job, my lady. Lord Elrond wants me to tell you that you can look around Imladris as much as you please, as long as you don't try to sneak into any of his family's private chambers. If you have any questions, his sons Elladan and Elrohir's room is that door on the left", she said, pointing with a pale hand towards a beautiful door. Lily's embarassing fangirl thoughts flooded her head. Elladan and Elrohir were only a few yards away from her! Despite their limitedtime in the novels, Lily had always thought they were awesome.

"And, I'm always here as well.", the servant finished, smiling softly. Lily waved slightly as she left, before opening her door and going straight to her bed, without even changing out of her flannel pajamas. She was exhausted from her day of Annabon and insanity. Despite the bad parts of the day, Lily smiled as she fell into dreams of Rivendell, Elladan and Elohir, and Yerple. Lots and lots of Yerple.


End file.
